Day 16: Reflection and Gratitude

I used to get kind of bugged by the advice: "choose happiness." It's not that I don't agree with it, but something about it rubbed me wrong. I think it is because sometimes, in the thick of things, it can make me feel worse, like I am doing something wrong. There I am-- fighting through a pit of sludge, trying my best to make it through the day, when some well meaning acquaintance notices me down there in my misery and decides to help by calling down from the dry ground above, "Remember! You can CHOOSE to be happy!"

This is my face.

I prefer to angle the advice through the lens of gratitude. It is more empowering to me to think, "There is something here to be grateful for; I just have to find it!" than to feel, "You are supposed to be feeling happy right now, you just aren't good at it."

Today, Jason and I were out together doing errands, and he asked me in his jaunty way, "So! What did you do today?"

To which I responded in my I wish I had a sleeping bag suit to wear way, "Blergckh. Ask me another question."

And without taking one iota of offense he said, "Can you think of anything you were grateful for today?"

I thought for a moment, and I remembered pulling open the blinds this morning and looking out at the gray sky and our gray road in the gray light of the morning and turning to our driveway to see how bright and illuminated the chalk flowers Natalie and I drew yesterday looked. It was such a perfect and peaceful way to start the day. And I could have missed it! I could have let that little pearl of memory slip away if J hadn't wisely invited me to choose gratitude.

But I still want a sleeping bag suit.